The One Where I Found Out I Was An Introvert

Do you even know, bro? I mean whether you're an introvert or extrovert. I didn't. I knew I was shy, yes. That I struggled in groups and crowds when I was young. That I was quiet. Preferred to keep to myself and would rather work alone than with a team. I knew all of this. I worked for a lot of my twenties to overcome most of this, trying to feel comfortable in new conversations and speaking up in a group. Being louder and more open. I felt like I did a good job <pats herself on the back>.

I remember very vividly the moment that I realized that I was an introvert. I was on a personal development call and I shockingly checked all the boxes:

- Enjoy spending time alone

- Feel like you're faking it when you have to network

- Don't like unexpected anything

- Avoid smalltalk whenever possible

- Notice details that others miss

- Need quiet to concentrate

- Like to people watch

- Prefer to write than talk; writers

- Are self-aware

- Prefer to learn by watching

- Have a small circle of friends

Holy shit.

My energy gets drained easily. I do not like busy weeks or back to back to back appointments. I always need time to recharge. I can feel lonely, but simultaneously not want to be around anyone else. The Great Quarantine of 2020 served my introversion wonderfully. Until I realized that I was stuck in a box with my family. I want to be invited to do things. I just want the option to say no. And cancelled plans secretly make me happy most times. I'd rather stick needles in my eyes than walk up to a stranger and introduce myself. Will I die for you? Absolutely. Will I pick up your call? No. It's never personal. I'm just probably in the middle of something and not in the mood for a long conversation. I'd rather text or write an email because it's less pressure than saying it out loud.

There's also a difference between introversion and shyness. Shyness usually indicates a fear of people or social interactions. Introverts simply don't like spending a lot of time interacting with other people. Introverts do appreciate being around people with whom they're close and do enjoy deep, meaningful conversations. They want to have a full understanding of a concept or topic before they voice an opinion or offer an explanation.

So here's the thing: once I realized these things about myself, I was finally free to accept them. I felt like I could embrace them because, hey, this is the way that I am and that's okay. It's more than okay. I can say what I need and be comfortable asking for it. For so long, I felt guilty for how I felt and constantly felt like I should be doing better. But no. That's a no from me, dawg. Like they say, you're perfect just the way you are. Whether you're a social butterfly or you'd rather read about them...alone in a quiet room.